Light up (Run)

Snow Patrol wrote a song called Run (Light up) and while I love their version, I have to admit that I love Leona Lewis’ version more. I listen to this song over and over again and I wonder what it would sound like with my niece Adela singing it? Maybe one day, we’ll all get to find out. I love the way the words in the chorus go: “light up, light up, as if you have a choice...” On a few evenings, I have sat with a couple of friends at the piano and sung this song, me mainly singing harmony. Actually, it was with Rob a few times and then with James too. And that’s the thing, sometimes we just have to lighten up, pretend that we have a choice in the matter because I suppose in the end, we do. We might not be able to choose the end result but we can choose the way that we get there or the route we take. We can choose to travel peacefully.

I had a wonderful trip to Spain last weekend, compliments of Morse. Actually, Morse came down with a cold so he sent John and Richard to Spain as my guardians. I think Morse just fancied staying home with the gorgeous Catherine (Richard’s sister) and deliberately pulled a sickie! Bird-flu, he claimed. Anyway, my first trip to Spain and what a wonderful place to start: Barcelona. I was truly stoked by that city. From the moment we landed I just felt great. We had a lovely hotel right in the city centre. We went out for a walk in the warm air, had dinner and drank some sangria. I loved the vibe, the buildings and that was just based on the glimpse I had at night. The next day, after a huge breakfast, we visited a nice cathedral with a garden courtyard with geese inside! We then went on the city bus tour and I loved being able to sit at the top of a bus and just look, see and smell. The sun was shining and it was a glorious day by all accounts. I managed to find a couple of lovely little colourful (read orange) treats for myself, my favourite being a little coffee cup in an odd shape (I was able to find some orange sugar sachets to go with it). Yes, I am orange-crazy. Later that day, we jumped on a train to Sitges where we stayed in this really cool modern hotel. We went out for dinner and I managed to get most our bill cancelled because I told the manager that both Richard and I could make better paella than his chef! We got a complimentary cheese cake thrown in for good measure. The next day it rained most the day in Sitges so we sat around the hotel after a wet walk-about and just chatted before I took a train back to the airport to return to London. Queasy-jet managed to only leave Barcelona well after midnight, a delay of about 2 hours but as I don’t live too far from Gatwick, I got home around 2.30. So, Spain is awesome and I want to return there some time, probably to Barcelona again. Thank you once again, Morse, John and Rochard!

On Monday (7th), I had my pre-chemo oncology appointment. I saw the registrar, someone I had actually seen before for an emergency consultation. He was very thorough and has made arrangements for me to see an ENT specialist to explore the cause of my prolonged voice-loss. He has also written to my GP asking him to organise a nebuliser for me which will certainly help with my breathing. Chemo took place on Wednesday and as usual, I managed to work myself up into a knot before the day even arrived. Kerry was my volunteer chemo-sitter this time and she got there before me and witnessed the whole fire-engine saga which resulted in all our chemo treatments being delayed by an hour and a half. I had Taj as my nurse and she only had one failed attempt at cannulising me. The old veins are not coping too well but there is only one treatment left. I have to admit, I feel absolutely rotten following this treatment. I had so much luck with cycle 5 but cycle 6 has gotten off to a terrible start. I don’t need to go into the details as it is similar to before. I can only sit and wait for this final cycle to be over. The good thing is that when it gets too tough for me to handle on my own, I can almost literally hand over to someone else. It’s a bit like running a relay, when you’ve pushed yourself to the limit and you come around the corner, there is someone waiting with his/her hand stretched out and you can just pass the baton and take some time out. I have so many friends and family members willing, ready and able to take the baton from me and I am learning to pass it on, to share the pain as much as I want to share the joy and the love. Last night, after almost 3 hours of agonising pain in my back and no more strong painkillers left, I just said “I give up” and I woke up one of my couchsurfers and said, “You’ve got to take this pain from me now, I can’t any take anymore.” And, it was pretty much what happened. We dug around to find what else I could take, sorted out some more cushions and pillows, hot drink, some encouragement, and I was able to fall asleep. However, I was up early and straight off to the Pharmacy to stock up.

In life, whatever we do, whether we choose to live alone, live with someone, have boyfriends, girlfriends, get married and breed (this always makes me smile when I say this) or just get married and not breed, we must make sure that there is someone to whom we can pass the baton when we get tired or feel we need a break. This has been one of my biggest blessings in life, always having someone who will stand by me and lift the load off my shoulders. But we also have to learn how to do this, it doesn’t always come easy to say “I am weak right now, I need your strength”. I always felt better fixing other people’s problems, helping others, being the strong one and now I have had to learn to accept that the roles have reversed. But this is a nice feeling, it is nice to help and allow oneself to be helped in return.

Once again, thank you for reading.

Your Barcelona Cathedral

Goose