Saturday morning

It is 10h07 on a grey Saturday London morning. Had to get out of bed for two reasons: Morse was calling for his apple and I needed to eat in order to take my pills. Great news: after an entire afternoon and evening of hiccoughs, they stopped around midnight. This might be due to the two beautiful blond nurses who were with me (photos to be uploaded)...Before your minds start wandering, they were not alone, they had two male escorts (not the type who charge, though) and it was an innocent dinner. Anyway, I kept expecting to wake up with the hiccoughs but somehow, they didn't return and haven't yet (cross fingers)...Anyway, had my new favourite breakfast: soft egg on potato waffle with a drop (read bottle!) of mayo (thanks Alex for corrupting my previously healthy breakfast routine). Not exactly cholesterol lowering stuff but at this stage, who cares? My new motto is: if it tastes good, eat it!

Had an inspiring tea/coffee yesterday afternoon with Georges, a brilliant Belgian coach who did the same coaching diploma as I. Couldn't believe how much milk he kept pouring into his coffee! :) And I got spoilt by him: a huge packet of salt and vinegar crisps! We are working on a joint project and it is always motivating to get out of the house and exchange ideas with stimulating people. This is something I am noticing a lot: if I stay indoors too much, I just focus on my hiccoughs or general malaise. But, if I get out and meet people, then I feel motivated. Some of you may know that I wrote an Ebook last year, got all excited about it, showed it to a few people and guess where the book is now? On my computer! Lack of confidence? Procrastination? Laziness to finalise it? Not sure, but yesterday's and last night's chats have motivated me to do something about it.

This morning, I looked at myself in the mirror in the lift and tried to see if I was ill...sounds silly, but just looking at myself, I wondered if I would be able to "see" if I was ill. And that's the thing: you can have this toxic waste churning around your insides, feel like puking up a pregnant elephant, yet if you look in the mirror, and smile, you see a healthy individual, someone normal (well as normal as I will ever be!). So, how do you translate or transform this external normality to the depths of your white-water-rafting belly? I guess I could eat more sensibly (i.e. not fried eggs and waffles and mayo), eat foods that won't contribute to indigestion (like spicy lamb byrianis), eat 5 small meals a day, stagger my pill taking...I guess that I should perhaps plan better for the next double dose...I must say that I am considering stopping the steroid because I think that is what causes the hiccoughs. This will mean that I won't have much of an appetite but which is worse? Endless hiccoughs or forcing yourself to eat smaller but regular portions? Perhaps someone out there has some ideas? Hey, does anyone from ISSA know how I could find Katie Walton? I am sure she became a dietician specialising in people with illnesses?

Something I have noticed about this illness, is that actually having cancer is something you can ignore or pretend isn't happening, but once you have the chemo, it all comes back. I was speaking to an older lady at the treatment centre last Wednesday and she was saying that each time she has chemo she says it's the last time. But, as awful as it is, it does help! And the doctors and pharmacists keep saying that it is important to note how you feel afterwards so they can tweak your post chemo meds. So, either I must insist on adding one pill (largactil) to my collection to stop the hiccoughs, or I must drop the steroid. Or, I must just get over the fact that hiccoughs will be part of the first few post-chemo days. Choices...why can't it just be like a box of chocolates?

Now, before you all start thinking I am sinking into some kind of depression over a few days of hiccoughs, then think again! I have a huge coaching opportunity starting next week, I have a huge posse of friends and family supporting me, I have lots of positive energy...the list goes on. So no, I'm not down, I'm just thinking out aloud about ways in which to improve the situation. Like a true coach, I want to focus on solutions, not more problems.

Morse is trying to eat his way through my sheep-skin slippers (yes, I love them and if you lived in cold London you'd have a pair too)...I think he is intending to commit GBH on me...don't know why, after all I gave him his apple, his blueberries, his potato, a scrunched up ball of newspaper, a used toilet roll...some parrots are just not happy, I guess. I shall miss my feathered friend as I return to Slum Norwood later today but I am very much looking forward to being home again, with my crazy mix of couchsurfers (friends) and my loft room.

Thanks for reading this rather long entry...feel free to comment, write to me, drop me a line or just a smiley :)

Wishing you all a great weekend

Le goose!