Hugging

We didn't come from a family of huggers...in fact, I think it was Paul Milligan and his family who taught me about hugging. This is not a criticism of my own family, we just tended to kiss all the female relatives (on the lips unless you wanted to be rude) or gave a manly handshake to the men. I remember one great Aunt (Aunty Jane) who gave the wettest kisses ever. We dreaded her smackers which she aimed so carefully, never missing our lips even if we tried to wind up the car window early). However, we put up with them because she also gave us baby chickens (I once vomited because my baby chicken poohed on my leg) and a tikki (2 and a half pence, I think?) for school.

Why am I speaking about hugging? Yesterday, while waiting for my chemo, there was an older lady who was being cannulated (might be cannulised) and it was very painful for her and also, she had obviously just had enough of all this therapy. She started to cry, her daughter held her hand, the nurse patted her hand, and I sat there furious at my inability to get up and give her the HUG she so clearly needed. I was rooted to the spot through my "britishness" (please don't take this as criticism), over-riding my African tendancy to touch people to reassure them of my presence, love and friendship. I have many British friends who give the best hugs ever, but in today's climate of health and safety, child protection, law-suits etc...we seem so afraid to reach out and touch someone. I made excuses like "she's had a tracheotomy"..."I might be infectious, my own immune system is compromised", etc etc, all while this little (but strong and brave) lady cried for a short while. Both Alex (who accompanied me yesterday) and I were deeply moved by this. We made up for it by reassuring another lovely lady with a tan from Benidorm (Selina, you could learn something...)that chemo wasn't that bad (it was her first time). However, afterwards, I think I kinda lied to her as while it is not bad going in, 24 hours later you will wish you hadn't had it done! Still, I can only hope that she suffers few side-effects.

So, back to hugging. Paul and his family would hug every time they passed each other in the passage, never needing an excuse to kiss or hug. I used to love going round just for the hugs, let alone the huge pot of tea and chocolate cake (although once, when I asked him what time tea was, he said “around 11 but could you come at 10 because that is when the maid has her’s”...sorry, it might sound like an unpleasant joke but it was funny at the time and directed at me, not the maid). My own family is well into the hugging scene now, and that is great. One of my couchsurfers, Rémi, remarked the other day that I hug all of my friends (and kiss most) hello and goodbye (he'd noted the number of times Brandon, Rory and I hugged while attending an open mic evening in London)...he said, “in France, we don't do that” (okay, he said “zat” :)). Rémi is not alone is wondering about all this hugging; there are many people from different nationalities that find it strange hugging and kissing hello and goodbye or “just because” (net somer, as the Afrikaaners say so nicely, hope that's right)...I remember a close friend once telling me once about God's love for me and I replied along the lines that "that's great, but sometimes all I want is a pair of human arms around me". If you’re not into hugging, there's no rule saying you must get into hugging. But at least try it...and don’t just nervously put your arms around someone, GET IN THERE lol...have a genuine squeeze and men, please, don’t spoil it by doing that manly thumping thing on the other person’s back...we all know you’re NOT gay (if you’re not) so just hug, don’t turn it into some display of male dominance (my thump’s harder than your thump, so there!). Practise on your pillow if you have to. :) (most of us learned to kiss that way).

Yesterday, I wasn’t that keen on chemo despite the happy pill the doctors gave me for the night before. This wasn’t helped by the fact that when I got there, I was told I had to re-do blood tests because one of my counts had been too low and if it hadn’t risen overnight, they wouldn’t do the chemo. Having looked forward to my 2 week break in chemo, I was desperate for the chemo to happen yesterday. Fortunately, after emergency blood tests, they got the go-ahead to order my bag of chemo. Alex and I gave Fernando, my flamboyant Filipino chemo-nurse, lots of trouble. Alex asked him why the bag-coverings were blue and Fernando snapped back: “because we don’t have them in pink” :) When I told him that he was the height of fashion in his plastic gown with matching plastic sleeves, he told me “it’s Gok” (if you don’t know who Gok is, don’t bother...meow!). He was really nice and kept us entertained and more importantly, in our place! I went off for some Reiki before the chemo arrived and fell asleep a few times in it. The Reiki lady (I must catch her name next time...in fact, I need to start learning names as everyone who works there seems to know mine because I am quite a cheeky patient :)) gave me some stuff for my blocked nose as I snorted a few times! I fell asleep during chemo which is good because then you don’t stress about it. I also slept the entire afternoon once I got back to Rob and Alex’s place after chemo. I ate my usual packet of salt and vinegar crisps, refusing to eat a banana (we were in public!) and also had one of their “salmon” (clearly tuna) NHS sandwiches which are quite nice, actually.

Slept well last night (after eating a huge kitkat – thanks Alex - and a few pieces of biltong – thanks little bro and famdangily) but woke myself up several times with loud snoring...quite impressive really! I was dreaming that I was eating a kitkat, biltong and salt and vinegar crisps while watching a huge male lion roaring away and it was getting louder and louder, then I realised it was yours truly snoring away. Poor Rob and Alex obviously didn’t get much sleep thanks to my manly lion mating sounds! A few near-misses with the hose-pipe dream where you’re increasing the water pressure before you wake and have to run to the loo and I made it through the night unscathed!

Home now, finding the new combination of medicines somewhat better but it’s a bit early to tell. But you know what? I don’t care what I go through over the next few days because I don’t have to go through chemo until the 17th so I will feel great for a while. My Polish brunch was oce again well served and much appreciated...wonder what is for dinner and who will be cooking it...la France, peut-être?

One more thing...I read the letter my oncologist wrote to my GP...”Dear Dr P...as usual, it was a delight to see and review Dr. Margerison in surgery today...” What does this guy smoke? Haha, I think he is a great oncologist and if he is really happy to see his cancer patients, then like teaching, he is following a vocation, not a career! We need more like him. Well done thus far, NHS (but sort out your reception and your pharmacy)!

Thanks for reading once again...hope you get a hug or two today! I’m hoping too...
anGoose