Progress

Having lost a huge paragraph of the blog due to an over-enthusiastic mouse-pad on my EEE PC, I decided to do what I should have done in the first place: write this in word and then copy and paste!

I was going to have a moan about how long I had to wait to see my oncologist but in view of the news he gave me, I think I shall learn from today’s experience and not waste energy getting worked up about waiting. For my next appointment I shall read a book, take a friend along, or write hand-written letters to people who don’t have email.

The good news: the cancerous cells have shrunk remarkably in response to the chemotherapy, the cancer has not spread elsewhere, my liver is fine despite taking a battering from the chemo, my blood counts are all fine, my cough has reduced a lot, and in general, I am feeling a lot better. I know that I shall not feel this way after the chemotherapy on Wednesday but I am now feeling encouraged and braver to face the next cycle knowing that it is helping me. The oncologist has decided to do another scan after the next cycle as he is keen to see if any further progress has been made.

This brings me to some of the supportive emails I’ve received as well as conversations I have had with numerous people. There are many people out there who suggest that oncologists and chemotherapy are akin to devil’s spawn, but I think that at the end of the day, this is an entirely personal opinion. I have been reading a blog that a French person sent me in which he talks about the nurses and doctors “forcing” him to accept treatment (admittedly, he is writing about when he had cancer as an child/adolescent). Personally, I don’t see the doctors and nurses as believing they have all the answers. The suggestion that doctors think they know everything has come up often. If anything, I have found quite the opposite. From the very start, my doctor stated clearly that he didn’t know what was going to happen other than what he has witnessed in the past, he stated clearly that everyone reacted differently to treatment, he also gave me the clear choice of chemotherapy or nothing at all. And he has been consistent in this. Even today, he reiterated that they are filling my body with “poison” and that I had the choice to decide which route to take. He has encouraged a positive mental attitude pointing out that medical intervention was only half the job done. The nurses have been great, using a combination of caring with a firm approach. We all have the potential to be drama queens and I have found the nurses very good at keeping me “earthed”, whether it is when they’re taking blood or giving me my chemotherapy. I have chosen to combine traditional medicine with alternative approaches but also bearing in mind that my mental and emotional attitude would be of the utmost importance. And this is the part on which I have worked the most. As part of alternative treatment, I have access to Reiki as part of the NHS service, something which has helped me enormously in terms of my mental and emotional well-being. My next challenge is to embrace this treatment, to use my mind to reduce the discomfort of the nausea...to reduce the effect of association which is impacting upon how I feel. I believe that I can do this, particularly as I now know that the chemotherapy has had a positive effect on my cancer. The doctor and the pharmacist have both spent long periods discussing how to ease the nausea and I will get through it. I have been told, however, that the hiccoughs are just going to have to be accepted. Then again, when you think that it is for about 3 days every 3 weeks, then surely I can cope with it no matter how uncomfortable it gets?

In coaching, we always focus on the future. I need to look beyond the present and visualise how good it is going to feel when the cancerous cells have less impact on my body and hence my life. Let’s be realistic, I am not being cured in the true meaning of the word. I am buying time but you know what? I’m happy with that. I am just glad that I have not let this illness become me or let it take over my life and that thanks to the treatment I will be able to extend my life-span. There is so much more I still want to do and I intend doing it! For example, there is an MSc waiting in the wings!

I return to work tomorrow, starting with my first clients at C4. I’m really excited about working again, particularly as I love what I do. If any of you still don’t know what I do, please look at my website www.coachexec.co.uk

Thank you all once again for reading. I will blog again either Wednesday or Thursday.

Stay well and keep smiling.

Goose